sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
