you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
