When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
