yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
