I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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