He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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