No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
