its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
