Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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