i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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