So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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