OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
