put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
