There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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