You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
