Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
