is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
