I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
