it was like eating out sand paper
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
