You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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