Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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