i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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