So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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