In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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