This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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