CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
