he puts the penis in happiness.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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