he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
