Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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