I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
