So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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