i love accidental penises.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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