Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize