if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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