Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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