We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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