remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
