one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
