He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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