did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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