so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
