i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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