idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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