If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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