Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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