Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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