I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
