Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
too bad you live with your parents still
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
