yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
