dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
