READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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