Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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