Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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