I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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