spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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