Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
