I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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