Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
