His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
