I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
