I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
