are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
