What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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