he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
