We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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