I will die if light touches me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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