I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
