Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.

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(860): i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug. http://tfl.nu/sjuy

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..

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(651): You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold.. http://tfl.nu/rd4a

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(516): View more from New York

Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?

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(516): Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21? http://tfl.nu/nv55

Replies (6) Good night (4176) Bad night (1073)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room

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(203): but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room http://tfl.nu/z6gy

Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (3345)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.

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(405): No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull. http://tfl.nu/uent

Replies (16) Good night (4159) Bad night (1190)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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(724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol

Replies (11) Good night (3271) Bad night (1199)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know

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(810): I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know http://tfl.nu/zbvb

Replies (3) Good night (2049) Bad night (845)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket

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(267): It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket http://tfl.nu/ws2m

Replies (8) Good night (879) Bad night (1889)
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(970): View more from Colorado

From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.

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(970): From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick. http://tfl.nu/h7vg

Replies (13) Good night (2767) Bad night (764)
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(425): View more from Washington

we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'

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(425): we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul' http://tfl.nu/04nj

Replies (3) Good night (1167) Bad night (517)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children

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(931): I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children http://tfl.nu/92r8

Replies (4) Good night (1038) Bad night (484)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.

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(724): You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures. http://tfl.nu/2cky

Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (415)
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(530): View more from California

I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.

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(530): I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing. http://tfl.nu/soo7

Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (570)
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(239): View more from Florida

Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".

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(239): Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up". http://tfl.nu/fu9d

Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (646)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.

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(870): So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit. http://tfl.nu/thjs

Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (283)

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