I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*