i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.