I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this