My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
