Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
