Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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