So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
