Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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