You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize